


Something's Gotta Give

by saucyminx



Series: The House Rules [2]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-03
Updated: 2011-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-28 11:36:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A novel length story of a struggling country singer and the young man who tries to change his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Christian was a wreck. It was about ten minutes before show time and he hadn’t seen Chad yet. _Not_ that it mattered. He’d already explained to Steve about nine times that it was just a _favour_ ; that was the reason he’d put Chad on the guest list. It had _nothing_ at all to do with him feeling so much regret that he felt heavy with it, weighted down.

Sweat was beading on Christian’s forehead and he pushed his hair back again. He’d decided to wear it down and was already regretting it in the close heat of the bar. The fine curls at the nape of his neck were damp and sticking to his skin and he tugged at his t-shirt nervously, peeling it off his damp skin.

“Christ, Kane. How can you be _this_ nervous?” Steve laughed and held out a glass of whisky. “Drink, son. Relax. It’s all good.” Steve’s pale blue eyes were already a little glazed looking, happy and dull.

“Thanks.” The glass tumbler was cool in Christian’s hand and he tossed the whisky back. “It’s just jitters. I’ll be fine once I’m up there.”

“Better be.” Steve laughed again. “And no takin’ off just leavin’ me there to sing, ya hear me?”

Christian rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like he did that a lot. Just sometimes, it was too much. “Whatever. Set lists out there? You know I wanna do that new one last, right?”

“What’s up with you and that song?” Steve sat on the edge of the stage and fussed with his guitar strap.

“What? Nothin’. Just wanna try it out.” Christian blinked slowly and looked around for a place to leave his empty glass. At least it killed time and gave him a reason to break eye contact with Steve.

“You don’t usually make a big deal about ‘em is all.”

“Steve. Christ. It’s not a big deal. It’s a song – I wrote.” _It’s for Chad._ “And, I think it might be a really good one, put a lot into it and I wanna know what people think.” What he wanted was to see if his song would mean something to Chad. Chad was about the only person alive that Christian thought might actually _get_ what he was trying to say. And, if Chad managed to interpret that as involving him – then that was even better.

“Whatever, Kane.” Steve was checking his phone one last time and running a hand casually through his hair.

“Whatever,” Christian echoed. Stepping slightly to the side, he could see his guitar on stage. He always felt better as soon as he was looping the strap over his head, settling the smooth wood against his chest. Curling his fingers around the musty smelling stage curtain, he pulled it back enough to peer out into the crowd again. There was still no sign of Chad, but then, it was a pretty big bar – he could be there.

“Kane! Jesus, are you in there?”

Christian frowned, vaguely aware that Steve had probably been calling his name for a while. “What? I was just-“ He noticed that Steve was halfway up the steps to the stage.

“It’s too late to get a new singer, Kane. Get your ass up here.” Steve’s laughter rose above the sound of the cheering crowd as he headed up onto the stage.

Snatching a beer from the cooler at the foot of the stairs, Christian headed up into the bright lights. Blinking a few times he headed over to the mic stand and smiled out at all the faces he couldn’t really see. After a few mouthfuls of beer, which drew some cheering from the crowd he turned to set the bottle on the drum stand and waved at the crowd. When he made it back to the mic he simply rasped. “Gonna play. We’ll talk later,” and struck the first cord

As soon as they started playing, Christian could feel the tension draining out of his body. It was always like that. He could lose himself in music because it was his truth. There was no other time in his life he was able to be as free with his thoughts - the way he felt. No one believed that he actually thought the things that were in his lyrics; Steve had said on more than one occasion that it was just _Kane knowing how to work his audience._

But it wasn’t. The music was _inside_ Christian, like blood pumping through his veins. He could feel it, live it and breathe it and if nothing else ever went right for him - he had those moments of peace with that guitar vibrating against his chest.

As usual, the set flew by. They played all their best songs, the ones the riled the crowd up in just the right way, and after a few songs Christian took the mic.

Panting softly he wiped at the sweat on his brow. “Hey y’all. I just want to thank you for comin’ tonight. Just - from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot. This is our first real gig and to hear the cheering and shit? That rocks.” Laughter erupted from the crowd and people started clapping and cheering again.

Turning slowly, Christian called out a count and the music started again. The bass was so loud he could feel it pounding against his chest, challenging the rhythm of his heart.

-=-=-=-

Truthfully, Chad hadn’t wanted to go into the bar when they’d showed up. But Jared had grabbed his wrist and tugged him inside and he wasn’t given much of a choice. It was a fairly decent crowd, though Chad wasn’t sure how many people knew of the band and how many others had come just for drinks but were curious enough to stick around.   
There was no way he’d be able to face down Christian without at least some alcohol in his system so he twisted free of Jared’s grip and headed for the bar. Jared was saying something as he caught up to Chad but he didn’t bother trying to decipher it. He wasn’t much in the talking mood anyway. Not after Jared had spent the better part of the last few days prying into every new part of Chad’s life.

Apparently, when the man decided to reacquaint himself with a friend he went all out.

“-you think it’s that way?” Jared’s voice finally registered through the loud country music already filling the bar and Chad glanced over at him.

“What?” He asked in a yell but if Jared repeated the question he didn’t hear, because the music was dying and a louder, clearer base filled the speakers.

Chad’s eyes fixed to the stage and locked on Christian. The man look amazing with his hair down, his clothes loose but still form-fitting, and his deep voice almost instantly filled the speakers. Chad had known seeing Christian again was going to be rough, but he hadn’t anticipated this.

“That him?” Jared’s voice was quiet against his ear and Chad felt his hand on the small of his back. “Chad?”

Chad swallowed thickly and nodded. He’d never been so tempted to jump up onto a stage and punch a person - or make out with one - before now. Turning back to the bar, Chad grabbed the shot he’d ordered and downed it in one quick go. It was going to be a long night.

-=-=-=-

Christian narrowed his eyes and looked out across the bar. Part of him had guessed that Chad wouldn’t show up for their show – he deserved it, he supposed – but still he’d hoped. Not seeing that stupid messy blond hair made his smile dim slightly as he stepped toward the mic right before that final song of the night.

“So-“ He cleared his throat and curled his fingers around the mic. “This song, it’s-. Well, y’all can keep a secret, right?” Hell, he’d had a few glasses of whisky, no point in hiding the truth. The crowd laughed and cheered him on.

Pressing a hand to his chest, Christian took a deep breath. “A while back, I met this person who kinda made me realize what I’ve been missin’, made me take a look at myself and I sure as shit didn’t like what I saw. The thing is – I didn’t have the guts to do anything about it. Still don’t, I figure, but it doesn’t matter ‘cause now, it’s too late. You put someone’s name on a guest list for your show and you hope maybe they’ll show up and they don’t and-“

“Kane,” Steve hissed from behind him.

“Anyway,” Christian continued. “I wrote this song for the first person in a long time who made me wish I was a better man. Just wish they could have heard it.” Turning to Steve he counted down on his fingers and stared playing.

“ _Faded dreams and blue jeans  
A Rangers cap with sweat rings  
There's a hole in the sole of my favorite boots_

 _Well I've been at it a long time  
Working on that bottom line  
And every shirt I've worn  
The collar's been blue  
One of these days I'm gonna jump right off that shelf  
And hit the ground runnin'  
At least that's what I keep telling myself_

 _I've been sittin' on the fence for way too long  
Warming that bench as chance moves on  
And believe me  
That ain't no way to live  
And this barely gettin' by is really gettin' old  
And it's hard to turn a wrench on a rusty bolt  
But someday  
Something's gotta give._

Chad wasn’t sure when it had become painful to breathe but somewhere during the intro when Christian seemed _wrecked_ as he spoke about someone - who Chad wasn’t quite ready to admit was himself - and the song that followed, he was fairly certain he lost all ability to inhale. He was half slumped back against Jared and the bar and his throat felt thick.

He didn’t hear the thanks Christian likely gave as he finished or the crowd cheering as he headed off stage. “Jesus,” Chad whispered and blinked a few times, clearing his vision. “I don’t even know how to process this.”

“Maybe he didn’t mean you?” Jared suggested but he didn’t sound very convinced by the words. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know. I feel, kind of guilty. I mean- does that mean he was thinking about me? Should I- is it right to feel guilty for being glad about that?” Chad laughed, a little hysterically, and shook his head. “I can’t do this. I can’t see him. What would I even say?”

“I have no idea.” Jared frowned then nodded, stepping back. “Come on, let’s get out of here. You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to.”

Chad had kind of expected Jared to urge him to stay but it was good that he didn’t. Because, honestly, he really couldn’t take this. Christian didn’t think he was there; maybe he was relieved because he could convince himself that Chad didn’t care and he could move on. If Chad stayed, he was just going to get rejected again and god, who was he kidding? He couldn’t go through this all over again.

Grabbing Jared’s hand, Chad nodded and pulled him for the door, weaving through the people. He felt a little like he was going to be sick to his stomach and the only reason he didn’t regret coming was because he wouldn’t change seeing Christian perform for anything.

Christian had one thought in his mind when he clambered down the stairs off the stage - he wanted a drink. The crowd was thick and he was stopped a couple of times as people offered complimentary praise. Rounding the pool table by the door he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Chad.

He hadn't changed, of course, it hadn't been long enough. Christian smiled and stepped into his path as his eyes traveled down to the hand Chad grasped in his. Something inside Christian tightened a little and he rubbed at his eyebrow as the pain bit hard into his chest. He'd told Chad to bring a friend. Couldn't blame him for that.

Looking up, Christian smiled sadly when his gaze locked with Chad's. Stuffing one hand in his pocket he shrugged the other shoulder and nodded at the tall man who was with him. “Hey, glad you came.”

Chad knew his mouth opened but the words wouldn’t come. He was only staring at Christian and _god_ the man looked so good up close. That haunting darkness was still there in Christian’s eyes and Chad wanted desperately to step forward and pull him close into a hug.

“Hey, I’m Jared.” Thank god for Jared who was making up for the silence by stepping forward and holding out his hand. “Great set tonight. You guys were awesome.”

Looking up at _Jared_ , Christian smiled. He looked like the kind of guy that Chad should be with - tall, clean-cut, sweet smile. Gripping the man's hand Christian nodded again and was only just letting go of Jared's hand when his gaze was sliding back to Chad. "Can I buy you two a drink? Wine?" He smiled slightly, rubbing his forearm nervously.

“Who the hell drinks wine in a bar?” Jared laughed and threw his arm over Chad’s shoulder. “Come on, free drinks!”

Chad clenched his jaw and looked up at his ex. Of course, here Chad had been thinking the man was so awesome for not forcing him to stay and it turned out he was more than eager to guide him along now. He’d complain if he could remind himself how to speak.

“We have some time for a couple of beers, right Chad?” Jared grinned, ruffling a hand through his hair and it took all of Chad not to scowl.

"Thought you drank wine," Christian muttered. But what the _fuck_ did he know? Holding up his hand he nodded to the bartender and held up an empty beer bottle. Sinking down on to one of the barstools he stared up at Jared for a few moments. He had to admit the guy was good-looking and his smile kind of brightened up the room. Not Christian's type by any stretch of the imagination but Chad's, maybe.

He cleared his throat as the bartender slid beers in front of all of them. "Double whisky, too," he said quietly. Holding up his bottle he smiled before taking a long drink. "So, you good, Chad? I - I didn't think you'd come."

Chad’s mind stumbled over a few answers but nothing surfaced that didn’t sound bitter as a comeback. Chad didn’t want to do that to Christian, especially since the man was being nothing but nice. “I said I would,” he said quietly and shrugged, reaching out for his own bottle of beer. He glanced around the bar because it was easier than meeting Christian’s gaze. “How have you been? I- I really enjoyed the new song.”

“Yeah it was amazing,” Jared interjected, grinning as he tried to keep the attitude positive. “Man, how do you write a song? I can’t imagine that. Seems challenging.”

Blinking a few times Christian looked back up at Jared. "I just - it, uh, I wrote it for Chad. He made me think about some stuff." The bartender dropped off a glass in front of Christian and he picked it up quickly and downed it. Dropping the glass back to the bar he blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "It's not a big deal, I mean, you know. It's a song." He shrugged and was glad that the heat of the whisky was burning away the lump in his throat.

Chad’s heart skipped a beat. It was one thing to think the song was about himself, it was another entirely to hear it was true. He stepped forward and took the seat beside Christian, relieved he didn’t have to work at standing any longer. “It’s a big deal,” he said quietly and smiled briefly at Christian. “I like what you said, the message you were trying to get across. I hope you meant those things, because that’s good.”

“And sweet.” Jared’s hand landed on Chad’s shoulder, squeezing reassuringly as he stepped up to his side. “Not many people can say they’ve had a song written for them.”

Smiling, Christian looked down at the bar and closed his eyes behind the veil of his hair. He really wanted to hate Jared but the guy had been nothing but nice. Sweeping his hair back as he looked up, Christian stared straight into Chad's blue eyes for a few long moments. "Well, we're friends," he said softly.

Voice still hoarse from singing, Christian held up his glass again when he caught the bartender's eye. "How long you two known each other?"

The word _friends_ echoed through Chad’s mind like a painful reminder and he looked away, pulling hard from his beer and letting Jared answer. He didn’t have it in him to be pissed at Christian for just disappearing. It wasn’t like he hadn’t known where Christian lived this whole time. He could have gone there, he was just as responsible.

“Years,” Jared answered when Chad kept his silence. “We met our freshman year. We were kind of friends. I was a little scared of Chad.” Jared laughed, arm sliding around Chad’s shoulder again. “He gets so intense, you know?”

"Yeah," Christian agreed. He'd never been more glad to see another whisky in his life. Yeah, he was a good guy but _Jesus_. If he had to sit there and watch Mr. GQ hang all over Chad he was gonna need more to drink. "Bring a bottle," he said to the bartender.

When he looked over at Chad the man was still looking anywhere but at Christian so he looked up at Jared. "So you're in school, too?"

“Yeah, I’m a senior. Like Chad. Only less geeky,” Jared teased good naturally, tapping at the edge of Chad’s glasses. “At least he can pull off that sexy geek thing.”

“Oh shut up,” Chad muttered and elbowed his side. This was getting a little weird and Chad couldn’t help taking note of just how many drinks Christian was putting down. “So, you here alone? I mean, besides the band.” Chad could pretend like he didn’t care who Christian was going to take home tonight but it did matter, and he’d be jealous of what he couldn’t have.

"Me?" Christian chuckled low and soft. "I ... no, I'm alone. Better that way," he said. "Had a rough couple weeks. Been kinda keepin' life a bit on the quiet side. I should probably leave you two alone, I guess." Christian was pretty sure his heart was going to just stop if he had to watch Jared so casually touching Chad - like it didn't mean a thing when it should mean everything in the entire fucking world.

“You’re leaving again?” Chad asked before he could stop himself and his eyes snapped up to focus on Christian even as he felt the crawling heat burn along his cheeks. “I mean, you probably have a lot of people to go talk to. I won’t- we won’t keep you. Thanks again for inviting me.” His hand was half extended to Christian but he couldn’t seem to get himself to touch.

“Oh hey, I’ll be right back.” Jared pulled back, looking over his shoulder then back. “Again, nice to meet you Christian.” He squeezed Chad’s arm one more time before turning and heading off through the crowd.

"Nice to meet you, Jared." Christian poured himself some more whisky. He didn’t feel drunk enough yet; not for this conversation. "You're welcome. I'm glad, Chad. I'm _real_ glad you heard the song. I know it doesn't mean anything now, but it was important to me." Christian's hand was shaking as he lowered his glass to the bar. The warmth of the liquor was finally starting to dull the ache in his chest and make it a bit easier to smile.

Chad frowned and shook his head, sliding his hand toward Christian once more and gently laying his fingers over the man’s forearm. “Of course it means something. And I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.” Which was much easier to say when he’d actually managed to be there and not chicken out.

Christian flinched as though Chad's touch burned his skin and pulled his hand back. When he glanced up he looked over Chad's shoulder and frowned. His eyes narrowed as he watched Jared slide his hand over another man's hip and pull him in to kiss him. "That _fucker_ ," Christian growled. Sliding off the bar stool he swayed for a couple of seconds as the whisky caught up to him and then took a few steps toward Jared. He was gonna beat the shit out of him.

“Christian?” Chad stood quickly, grabbing the man’s arm to keep him from falling. “What’s the matter?” He looked around the bar, trying to determine what it was that had riled the man up so badly.

"You're just _right_ here and he's ... no. No." Christian shook his head and called out, "Jared! What the _fuck_ , man?" Twisting in Chad's grip, Christian grabbed hold of the front of Chad's shirt.

Following Christian’s line of sight, Chad spotted Jared locked in a deep embrace with Jensen and frowned. Then realization dawned on him and he shook his head, tugging Christian toward the bar stool once more. “Wait, Christian, no. You’ve got the wrong idea. Jared’s my ex, we’re not together. That’s his boyfriend, Jensen. Just calm down and _god_ , don’t pass out or something.

"His boyfriend?" Christian stumbled backwards and sank down heavily onto the stool. "M'not gonna pass out - I'm pissed off. I _was_ pissed off. He's not with you?" Christian's words felt like they were all trying to get past his lips at once and all he could think about was the way Chad was still gripping his arm.

“No, not at all. He’s the ex. You know, the one that fell in love with someone else? That’s him. You really thought...” Chad sighed and shook his head. He should have realized that Christian would assume that. After all, it wasn’t like he knew that Jared was just one of those touchy feely kind of guys. “Christian, did you honestly think that in two weeks I would just be over you?”

"Yeah, Chad," Christian growled. "I did. You never - I never saw you anywhere and it's not like - why? Why are you here, then? I thought you came to show me that you were okay." Shaking his head slowly Christian groaned. "I need another drink."

“No, I really think you don’t.” Chad grabbed both of Christian’s hands and squeezed hard. “I came because you still invited me and I thought you might want to see me. I couldn’t possibly have moved on because I still think about you all-” Chad cut himself off and shook his head. “Sorry, you don’t need to know all that. I’m sorry I let you think that Jared and I were together, I didn’t mean to.”

Christian stared down at their hands and pulled on Chad until he had no choice but to step between Christian’s legs. Blinking up at him, Christian slid his hands around Chad’s waist and pulled him close. Resting his cheek against Chad’s chest he was sure he could hear the other man’s heart racing.

Chad hesitated for a moment, surprised at the sudden embrace, but then his arms wrapped around Christian and his hand moved through the man’s hair. Chad was suddenly hit with several waves of both sympathy, the need to protect, and desire so thick it made his heart skip a beat. Dipping down he pressed his lips to the top of Christian’s hair and stroked along his back. “Let me take you home,” he murmured softly, pressing just a little closer.

Turning his face into Chad’s chest, Christian breathed in the man’s scent and slid his hand up to curl around the nape of Chad’s neck. Exhaustion weighed him down like a ton of bricks on his shoulders. Chad felt good, he smelled good, and Christian was pretty sure he could stay _right_ there for a really long fucking time.

“Kane? What the fuck, man?” Steve’s drawl was like a bucket of cold water tossed over Christian.

Starting, he yanked himself away from Chad and fell slightly to the side only just catching himself before he tumbled right off the stool. “What? Fuck, what did I do?” Heart pounding in his ears, Christian rubbed at his face, furiously trying to clear the fog of liquor that had settled on him.

“You must be _Chad_ ,” Steve said coldly. He turned his gaze back to Christian without waiting for an answer. “Kane, we talked about this. Get your ass back over to the table; we’ve got a pitcher and we’re gonna shoot the shit for a while.”

“I - listen Steve. I don’t feel so good-” Christian reached out for Chad’s hand, his fingers slipping through the other man’s.

“Oh fuck off, Kane. You’re always sayin’ shit like that. C’mon.” Steve held out his hand and scowled at Chad. “I’m sure Chad’s gotta run along now.”

In any other situation Chad would not be a fighter, he would let things be. But it was clear that Christian needed sleep and someone to care for him and Chad wanted to strangle the man’s supposed best friend for not being that person. So he stood his ground. “No, Steve, I won’t be running along. Christian said he doesn’t feel well and I’ll be taking him home. You can just fuck off now, thank you very much.”

Steve's eyes narrowed as he rounded on Chad. "Listen you little shit-"

Christian swayed forward and pushed Chad behind him. "Hey! Don't talk to him like that-" Christian flinched as Steve's hand flew up, then he lurched forward as his friend grabbed a handful of his shirt.

Steve yanked Christian forward and said coldly. "Stop fuckin' around. There's nothin' wrong with you that a few drinks won't cure. "

The bar swam before Christian as he tried to pull back from Steve. He shook his head slowly. "No, I just - I wanna go sleep for a while. Chad's here and I wanna talk to him." He could tell he wasn't making much sense because of the smirk on his friend’s face.

“Alright, enough of this shit.” Chad pressed forward and shoved between Steve and Christian. His arm hooked back around Christian as his eyes locked and narrowed on Steve. “Last time I checked Christian is a grown man and he said he wanted to sleep so you damn well better listen to him. Don’t think I don’t know how to fight and win, asshole.” Chad squared his shoulders, refusing to show the man anything but anger and strength.

Steve's eyes narrowed as he stared hard at Chad, and then his eyes moved up over the man's shoulder to Christian. "Fine. Whatever man. You'll fuck this up soon enough and you know where to find me." He stared a moment longer, then shook his head and walked off.

Christian sighed and leaned his forehead on Chad's shoulder for a few moments. "I'm sorry. I'm _really_ sorry. I should go and - I - He's pissed." Running a hand through his hair Christian squinted at Steve's back as he disappeared through the crowd.

“Don’t.” Chad turned so his arms could wrap around Christian’s body. “Don’t you fucking go to him because I can promise you the _last_ thing you need is a few more drinks. Let me take you home and get you in bed.” His hands slid up until he was framing Christian’s jaw and tilting his head back. “Please, for just a little bit, let me take care of you.”

All the cold, hard, hurt that was in Christian’s chest melted a little and he closed his eyes so he didn't have to see the intensity of Chad's gaze. Eventually, he just nodded and pried his fingers loose from Chad's shirt. “My truck, I can drive.”

“Like hell you can drive,” Chad snorted and looped his arm around Christian’s waist. He started to steer the man toward the door, catching Jared’s eyes and nodding at him. He watched an uncertain smile lift Jared’s lips as he mouthed, _are you okay?_ Chad nodded and tugged Christian closer when the man stumbled. “Hand over the keys.”

Stuffing a hand in his pocket, Christian found his keys and held them out to Chad. "I'm out back. There's a - d'you have a car? I'm good.” Smoothing his shirt down, Christian took a last look over his shoulder to see if he could spot Steve. “He’s gonna be pissed,” he murmured.

“Don’t you worry about him. If he’s really your friend he’ll get over it and realize sleep is the thing you need most.” Chad sighed and pulled Christian out of the bar. “I didn’t drive here tonight. You hungry at all? We could hit up a drive-through on the way home.” Chad hadn’t taken care of a lot of drunk people before but he knew how he was when he was drunk.

Christian shook his head slowly, a confused frown pulling his brows together. "It's not. No - I don't want food but it's not what I need most." He wanted to lie down, stop the world spinning and hold onto Chad. He wanted to bury his face in Chad's neck and just forget everything.

“What do you need most? I can get it for you.” Chad spotted Christian’s truck up ahead and he led the man that way, running a hand up through his own hair.

"You," Christian said softly. His fingers hooked over Chad's belt and he leaned heavier on the taller man; the heat of Chad's side was soothing, safe.

Warmth burned its way through Chad and he swallowed thickly, tightening his hold on Christian until they were at the passenger side of the truck. He unlocked the door with one hand and turned in Christian’s arms, pressing chest to chest with the man. “Well, you’ve got me. Not gonna leave your side until you’re tucked in safe.” He hesitated a moment before gently kissing the corner of Christian’s mouth. “Climb on up.”

Smiling slightly, Christian's hand slid down Chad's arm as he climbed into the truck. As soon as Chad closed the door Christian rested his cheek against the cool glass. His head was already aching, his throat raw and even though he knew he'd been off stage for quite a while it kind of felt like everything had happened in the last five minutes.

He heard the driver’s side door open, then felt the truck shake as Chad climbed in. “Sometimes hard to start,” he muttered. His breath fogged the window briefly and he wiped his finger through it.

It took Chad two times to start it up and he was more than a little nervous to be driving Christian’s truck but it was worth it. When Christian swayed forward at a light Chad reached out and pulled him to the side so he’d fall into Chad’s lap. His fingers stroked softly through the man’s hair and Chad could almost pretend that this was normal between them.

When they finally got to Christian’s house, Chad was fairly certain that the man was passed out. It took some real maneuvering to get out and walk around to the passenger side. “Come on Christian, time to get inside.” He tugged at the man’s arm to get him upright and laughed softly at his hair that was sticking up everywhere. “At least you’re kind of an adorable drunk.”

"Not that drunk," Christian mumbled. Everything felt a little fuzzy though and he reached up to slide his fingertips down Chad's cheek, his thumb tracing the man's bottom lip. "You're good," he said softly.

Chad’s breath caught in his throat for a moment and he half smiled then nodded. “Okay,” he murmured and shook his head, helping Christian to his feet and pushing the door closed behind him. He had to remind himself that Christian was _drunk_ and nothing was going to happen between them. “Front door,” Chad grunted as he fell against it and Christian against him. “Where’s your room?” He asked as he pushed the door open.

"At the back...end of the hall on the-" Christian blinked a few times, "left. Gotta use the key." He'd started locking his bedroom a while back after the house parties started happening two or three times a week. Finding someone playing his guitar had been the last straw.

“Wow. I can’t imagine living in a house where I have to lock my own bedroom.” Chad frowned, even as he spoke quietly and led the way down the hall, stepping over a pile of dirty laundry. He stopped at Christian’s door and unlocked it, relieved to find the inside at least mostly clean. “Okay, need the bathroom or anything before you get under the blankets?”

Running his hand through his hair, Christian grinned crookedly as he leaned back against the wall. "I'm not twelve, Chad. And - I've got my own bathroom in here." Crossing his arms he grabbed at his shirt and pulled it up over his head. "You gotta go?" He rolled up the shirt in his hands, then tried to toss it in the hamper but missed by quite a bit.

“No, I’m okay,” Chad answered, though he wasn’t sure if Christian meant it that way. “You got some pain killers? I’m going to get you some water.” He stepped back, the room suddenly feeling too hot as he stared at Christian’s bare chest.

"I - yeah. Chad? I meant - can you stay for - for just a while?" Leaning back against the wall, Christian liked how cool the wall felt against his bare skin. "I won't do anything. I just- can you?"

“Stay?” Chad repeated and scratched along his jaw, nodding shakily. “Get in bed, m’gonna get some water.” He turned and left the room, blinking a few times as he headed down the hall. The instant hard-on was going to be a problem if he got it from simply seeing Christian without a shirt. Maybe it had just been too long since he’d gotten laid, or maybe he was just in over his head when it came to Christian.

Christian headed over to his bed and flopped down on his back. He was seriously going to catch grief from Steve in the morning and, for once, he found it hard to care. The entire night had been like some kind of crazy roller coaster ride. Realizing Chad had heard the song was a shock; thinking he was there with a guy just kind of slammed everything home that Christian should have already known. He _wanted_ that. He wanted to be the guy who stood next to Chad and had his arm over the man's shoulder. That slight smile on Chad's face when he was unsure but hopeful - Christian wanted to see that more often.

Fumbling with the button on his pants, Christian sighed and gave up. Pushing up onto his elbows he looked around and reached out for his pillow so he could roll over and stuff it under his head.

Stepping into the room was no easier than leaving in the first place but for entirely different reasons. Chad had thought he was a little more under control once he’d gotten the water but one look at Christian spread out on the bed, his fly undone, his chest still bare, had Chad’s mouth instantly drying. “Y-you want water?” He stumbled over the words and forced himself forward, stopping at Christian’s bedside. “Where are your pain pills?”

"Yeah," Christian rasped. He coughed a couple of times and pushed up onto one elbow. "I'm good right now, water's good." Reaching up he curled his fingers around Chad's on the glass and stared up at him. "You can sit, m'not gonna bite."

“Too bad for me,” Chad smirked, trying to lighten the mood for himself. He turned and sat on the edge of the bed, trying not to stare openly at Christian’s bare chest. “So it’s been a rough couple of weeks, huh?”

Christian drained half the water and then let out a sigh. "Yeah, I - well, yeah. I get this thing. My stomach, it's like I keep all this shit inside of me and I get sick. Steve says it's just stage nerves. I don't know, though." Rubbing his hand across his chest he reached out to set the glass of water down. "I'm sorry for all this," he said softly.

“For what? Getting drunk?” Chad frowned and slipped his shoes off, pulling his legs up and turning to face Christian. “You don’t think it’s stress, do you? The stomach thing I mean. Because that just... I don’t know, it doesn’t seem likely.” Chad sighed and rubbed along his forehead. “Why don’t you just get under the blankets and get some sleep?”

"Jared is a nice guy." Christian didn't want to go to sleep because Chad would leave and then - well, he was pretty sure the guy wouldn't come back. "I'm sorry I can't be like him. He seems like - I mean, when I thought he was with you, he seemed like the kind of guy you would love. You love him?" Shifting back a little on the bed, Christian rolled onto his side and patted the space next to him.

“I thought I did. And it sure as hell hurt when he broke up with me.” Chad shrugged and stared down at the blanket, blowing out a low breath. “I didn’t bring him to make you jealous or anything. In case you thought I was doing something like that. Just... I don’t have that many friends and I thought he might _get_ some of the ways I was feeling.”

"Why would he get it?" Christian reached out and slid his hand over Chad's thigh. "You can lie down, I won't - I won't try anything. Just like lookin' at ya. Makes me feel better." Smiling slightly, he squeezed Chad's thigh.

Chad laughed nervously and slowly shifted until he was lying beside Christian. “He understands what it’s like to care for someone and not have it returned. Or to want something you can’t have.” He rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand, elbow digging into the mattress. “You really were great tonight Christian, amazingly so.”

Even through the haze of drunkenness Christian felt a little slice of pain at Chad's words. "Wait. That's what you feel? That I don't care?" Lowering his lashes, Christian frowned and dragged his hand down his face slowly. When he opened his eyes again it was to face that ice blue gaze again. "I care. I care a lot." His hand was shaking as he reached out and slid his fingers through Chad's hair. "I care too much."

“Too much? I don’t think you can care too much.” Chad sighed and turned into the touch, eyes falling closed. “You just disappeared. You didn’t call or anything. I mean, I know I didn’t so I can’t really say anything. Just, you know what I want and I know you don’t want it. And Jared got that, which is why I invited him.” Chad opened his eyes and blinked at Christian. “I’m glad I came, at least.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want it.” Even though Christian managed to get the words out, his voice was soft and low and he thought maybe Chad would just pretend he hadn’t heard. Closing his eyes he shifted closer and let his hand slide down Chad’s chest. “I want it - I just. I’m no good.”

“Why do you keep thinking that you’re not good enough?” Chad frowned and finally gave in to reach out and touch Christian’s hair, threading his fingers through the soft silky locks. “I don’t get it, what happened to you? Who made you think that?”

Christian shrugged and closed his eyes. His lips tugged into a smile as his fingers grabbed hold of Chad's shirt. "Just got nothin' to offer anyone. Steve says a guy like me is lucky if he finds someone one day who'll just put up with him. It's hard." What wasn't hard was shifting closer; with his eyes closed Christian could imagine that Chad was there because he _belonged_ there - that maybe _this_ was their life.

“What?” Chad frowned harder and shook his head. “That Steve guy doesn’t sound like much of a friend. You shouldn’t believe him. Because, _god_ , Christian. You’re talented and smart and you make me laugh. And you’re gorgeous. And I just-” Chad inhaled shakily and tugged Christian hard against his side. “You’re way better than you seem to think you are.”

When Christian opened his eyes, Chad was so close, _too_ close. "Stay," he whispered. Emotion welled up in him and he pulled on Chad's shirt. "Just tonight, just once... and I'll never ask again. Please." Dropping his forehead against Chad's, Christian held onto the man like his life depended on it.

“Christian,” Chad half gasped, feeling the pull of Christian’s words like an actual vice around his heart. “I don’t-” he couldn’t really bring himself to say no, though he thought he should. What he wanted was so much more and hearing things like _just tonight_ made him a little sick to his stomach. “I’m not sure if I should.”

"I don't want - I mean - I do, want you. Just stay, sleep so when I wake up I'm not alone. Just once." When Christian blinked his eyes open tears welled and he looked down. "Just let me have you here for one night. I wanna know what it would be like." Leaning forward he pushed his face into the crook of Chad's shoulder and pressed a soft kiss there as his arms slid around the other man.

How in the world could Chad possibly say no to Christian’s request? No matter what he might want, he just couldn’t stand the idea of hurting Christian. “Okay,” he whispered and slowly nodded, closing his eyes tightly. “Okay, I will.” He said it a little firmer in case Christian hadn’t heard him the first time.

Christian let out a shaky breath and rolled back slightly so he could gaze up at Chad. "Yeah? Yeah." His lips twitched into the slightest smile and he loosened his hold on Chad's shirt so he could smooth it down. "I'm gonna. I gotta lock the door." Pushing up slightly he blew out a breath. "God, my head is gonna hurt tomorrow."

When he thought Chad couldn't see he lifted the sheet and wiped at his eyes quickly. While the room was settling into a slower spin, he sat there for a few moments. "I won't do anything," he said again softly.

“Stop.” Chad held up a hand and, when Christian glanced quickly over at him, he forced a smile. “Stop saying that. It makes me- just, don’t.” He sighed and shook his head, sliding to the edge of the bed and standing. This was not what he expected, ending up sleeping with Christian just to make the man feel better. Some part of him - the voice that currently sounded like Jared’s in his mind - was asking who was going to make _Chad_ feel better tomorrow when it was all over.

But Chad shook the thoughts away and pulled off his shirt, looking around before dropping it on a chair and kicking out of his jeans next. “Want me to get the door while I’m up?

"Yeah, sure." Christian slid to the edge of the bed and somehow managed to wrestle his way out of his boots and jeans. When Chad flicked the light out, Christian held out his hand to catch Chad before he bumped into the bed. "It's just because it's you," Christian murmured as he pulled Chad back down onto the bed.

“What’s just because it’s me?” Chad frowned, all too aware of the heat coming from Christian’s body. He wanted to press up against Christian and crush their lips together, wanted to touch and feel every inch of him. This was such a bad idea. “The sleeping thing?”

"Asking you to stay. Yeah. I just wanted you. I want you. I just..." Christian's voice trailed off and he rubbed his nose against Chad's cheek. The man was _right_ there, it wouldn't take more than a shift for Christian to be pressing him down against the mattress. Groaning, he rolled onto his back and slipped his arm under Chad's neck. "C'mere," he rasped.

“Christian,” Chad murmured, and it definitely sounded more like a soft moan than anything else. He let the man pull him against his body and his arms wrapped around Christian’s middle. “I thought a lot about you over the last two weeks,” he said softly and slid his leg between Christian’s, breathing in the man’s rich scent of cologne, sweat and alcohol. It was unnerving how pleasant that could be. “I really wish we could have at least been friends. I think you’d make a great friend.”

"I can be friends, _we can_ , I mean." Christian's heart was racing a little, which was amazing considering the state he was in. The heat of Chad's body was kind of intoxicating and there was just thin cotton between them. Leaning closer, he slid his hand over Chad's muscular thigh, thumb slipping just under the edge of his briefs. "You'd have to come to all my shows then," he whispered. "Friends do that."

The next breath Chad pulled in was more than a little shaky. Christian’s hands were like fire on his skin and he knew his body was reacting. Christian would feel it, he’d know just how badly Chad wanted him. “I would do that,” he said quietly, wetting his lips. “We- could we do things? Get dinner? See movies? Friends do that, right?” Chad had completely forgotten about his glasses in the darkness but he pulled them off then, bending forward at the waist so he could arch back and put them on the table. “Glasses,” he muttered.

"Jesus," Christian whispered. His breath stalled in his chest when his hand slid down Chad's chest as he shifted on the bed. Pushing his palm up along the man's muscles, he felt them move under the skin as Chad settled back down. "You're killin' me," Christian groaned and his hand settled on Chad's hip.

“Unintentionally,” Chad whispered, knowing if he tried to talk louder his voice would be thick and deep with arousal. His hand ran along Christian’s side and he tried to think of some question that might turn the conversation to something different, maybe ease the heat flaring between them. “Have you been with anyone?” he blurted out, barely swallowing a groan a moment later. “Never mind, I don’t want to know that.”

"Ever?" Christian let out a rumble of a laugh. "I've been with people." Curling his hand further back on Chad's thigh he tugged until Chad had no choice but to hook his leg over Christian's hip. He traced the swell of Chad's thigh, his hip, and then spread his fingers to press against the small of the man's back. Their lips were so close Christian could feel the heat of their breath. "You?"

“Of course I have,” Chad answered with a breathy laugh, and this time when he wet his lips the tip of his tongue moved over Christian’s. Chad knew if he rocked forward even just an inch Christian would feel just how hard he was. It was maddening. “I meant in the last two weeks,” he breathed, fingers slowly moving along Christian’s ribs.

"When all I thought about was you?" Trembling slightly, Christian shifted nervously and his thigh pressed against the hard line in Chad's briefs. His spine ignited like a fuse, burning all the way down his body and he squeezed his eyes shut. As his fingers curled against Chad's back the nails scraped over his skin and he felt Chad shiver. "God," he whispered.

“So that’s a no, then?” Chad half gasped, half moaned, and his body moved in one slow roll. It was back against Christian’s nails moving over his skin then forward until he was rocking almost shamelessly against Christian’s thigh. “Fuck,” he groaned and his fingers slid down until his fingertips were brushing over the edge of the man’s jersey boxers. Chad’s eyes opened and found Christian’s in the darkness as his fingertips slipped under and moved along the silky soft skin covering the man’s hipbones.

"Oh God." Christian's breath came out in a long shuddering sigh. He was burning up under Chad's touch, his cock hard and swollen and he gasped when cool fingers traced the curve of his hip bone. "Chad, I'm not a fuckin' saint," he murmured.

“I’m not asking you to be.” Chad could feel the deep moan rumble through his chest and he rocked forward once more because he couldn’t stand it any longer. “This is what I want,” he whispered and finally pressed a soft kiss to the corner of Christian’s mouth. “I want you. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone. And I promise I’ll stay all night.” Nothing could get him to leave Christian’s bed now and he forced himself not to think about what the fallout would be like.

A low moan pushed its way past Christian's lips and he pressed them to Chad's gently. His entire body was shaking, a torrent of want coursing through him. "I promised," he whispered against soft lips. "You'll hate me, no..."

Chad rolled up against him again and Christian's arms cinched tight around Chad's body. His tongue darted out to lick along the seam of Chad's lips, pushing forward slightly as he caught the man's mouth in a slow kiss.

Something in Chad’s chest tightened but he refused to believe Christian. It was like last time, this was his one chance. And if he didn’t take it this time then Christian was going to disappear from his life again and Chad wasn’t ready for that. So he pushed hard into the kiss, sucking Christian’s tongue into his mouth and slipping his hand further under the man’s jersey boxers. It had been so long since he felt something so amazing, and he wanted to lose himself in it.

Something inside Christian snapped and heat flooded through him. It was impossible to stay back, not give in. Withdrawing slightly he grabbed Chad's shoulder and slammed him back against the mattress. His hair hung down and trailed over Chad's skin as he dragged wet kisses along the man's neck until he could crush his mouth over Chad's again.

Lowering his body down he could feel every inch of Chad, firm and beneath him. Moaning roughly, he slid his hand up into the other man's hair and grabbed it hard, yanking Chad's head to the side to deepen the kiss. His hips rolled down, grinding against Chad's.

A shudder rolled through Chad at the swell of pleasure and he couldn’t help rocking up to meet Christian’s hips as they ground down. He loved the way Christian kissed, claiming his mouth like it was absolutely everything he’d ever wanted. Chad moaned and Christian swallowed up the sound, causing Chad’s body to ripple in response.

His hands were all over Christian, running up his back, sliding down to curve over his ass and pull him down harder. He spread his legs, shifting until Christian was between them and his legs could wrap around the man. Just one night, just like Christian had asked. He’d give what he could to Christian and take whatever the man offered.

The way Christian's heart was pounding was almost painful. His tongue swept around Chad's mouth, claiming every part of that sweet wet heat. He'd known it would feel like this - like he was burning up and couldn't stop but now - _fuck_ \- it felt a little like he might go crazy.

Chad's body was amazing, rolling up against his - grinding, writhing and twisting and his hands were everywhere. Moaning against the blonde's mouth, Christian bit hard at Chad's bottom lip and mouthed a long line of kisses down the front of his neck. "Jesus," he hissed as Chad's nails scraped down his back.

“Christian,” Chad moaned low in his throat and tilted his head to the side, giving Christian’s lips more room to touch. “Please, please,” he gasped and rocked up once more, desperate for any friction that would bring him closer to the edge. He wanted to live like this, he wanted to lose himself in Christian and never get found again. “I need more, please.”

Chad's words slipped over Christian’s skin like _fucking_ silk and he shuddered. Sliding down the hard body beneath him, Christian lapped and sucked, biting at the flushed skin along Chad's collar bone. His tongue flicked over a hard nipple, lips closing around it gently right before his teeth closed on the tender flesh.

“Jesus,” Chad groaned and arched up into Christian, his hand tangling loosely in the man’s hair to keep him there. “Want this, for tonight, forever.” The moment he said the words he knew he shouldn’t have and he tensed, holding his breath.

Pushing himself up, Christian panted softly as he stared down at Chad. There was a deep flush on Chad's cheeks, his lips swollen and glistening in the dim light from the window and Christian's heart kind of knotted up in his chest. Letting his head fall forward he closed his eyes and groaned. Chad was everything that would be perfect in his life and Christian just wasn't sure how to start. Hell, he wasn't even sure he could pull it off - and that seemed like it would be even worse. "Chad," he said softly. "I don't-"

“It’s okay,” Chad said in a quick rush and he slid out from under Christian, still panting as he dropped his legs off the side of the bed. What the hell had he been thinking? Was he really so desperate and needy that he was resorting to having one night with Christian even though he _knew_ it would kill him in the long run? “Sorry,” he choked on the words, sharp tears pricking at his eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have, you- you’re drunk. And I just wanted to feel, but this... sorry.” He dropped his head into his hands, not sure he could handle seeing the look on Christian’s face now.

"God, don't do that, please." Whatever Christian had to say could wait. "Just - c'mon. I can't take you feeling- " Rubbing Chad's shoulders, Christian scooted up behind him and pulled him back against his chest. "It's nothing to be sorry about," he said weakly. Pressing his lips to the back of Chad's shoulder he wrapped his arms tight around him. "Just stay. We'll talk in the morning when I'm - when I'm better." He'd never wanted to be sober more in his life.

Chad still felt a little sick but it was a relief to hear that Christian wasn’t pissed with him. The real kicker, he supposed, was how badly he still wanted it. And if he didn’t already have such intense feelings for Christian, he probably would have turned around and pinned the man to the mattress and begged for more. Since it was Christian though, this man that he couldn’t stop thinking about, all Chad could do was lay back against him.

“I guess we should sleep,” he whispered and detached himself, crawling back and slipping quickly under the blankets. “You know, I just wanted to feel...” Chad groaned and flipped onto his stomach, burying his head in the pillow. He needed to stop talking, he should just go before he ruined the possibility of them even being friends.

Dragging a hand down his face, Christian hesitated, sitting there beside Chad for a few moments. Finally he slipped back under the blankets and slid his arm over Chad's waist and pressed up against him. He pressed soft kisses to the man's shoulder. "Shhh. Just sleep. S’okay.”

Chad flipped over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes wide and unblinking. He waited until it seemed Christian’s breath had even out and he’d drifted off. Then he shifted across the bed and turned into Christian, pressing as close as he could to Christian’s body. The man’s arm tightened around him and for a moment he could pretend that this was normal.

In his imagination they were an average couple and Christian had fucked him hard and fast before gathering him close and telling Chad how very much he loved him. It would be a perfect sort of life and Chad would be so happy his cheeks hurt from smiling too much. If Chad fell asleep thinking about that world he’d never have, well it couldn’t be all that unusual.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Chad’s eyes opened he let his mind catch up on the events that had transpired the night before. He’d basically thrown himself at Christian when the man has said on more than one occasion that he wasn’t going to do anything long-term, that he just wanted someone to be with through the night. Christian had been drunk and lonely and Chad had nearly begged him to promise for more.

It boiled down to this: Chad was an idiot and he was still there with Christian because he hoped he could salvage their friendship, at least.

After some time Chad vaguely became aware of the soft stroke of fingers through his hair and he gave in to the flutter of his eyes, gaze instantly landing on the slightly blurry shape of Christian. The man was sitting along the edge of the bed, leaning toward him and watching him sleep.

Chad blinked a few more times until he realized the blur was due to his lack of glasses and his heart skipped a beat. “Morning,” he whispered, wetting his dry lips slowly.

"Hey." Christian rested his chin on his arm and let his fingers card through Chad's hair. "You sleep okay?" Chad was gorgeous, and if Christian didn't have some things to say that were kind of eating at him, he could have sat there for hours watching the man sleep.

“Yeah, was good.” And it really had been. He couldn’t remember waking up once and he knew that Christian had held him basically the entire time. “Really good,” he whispered and smiled softly at Christian. “You? I didn’t expect you to wake up so early.”

"I got up to make you breakfast. Well, sort of." Sitting up, Christian picked up a tray and slid it onto the bed beside Chad. "Captain Crunch and I had to microwave the coffee 'cause we ran out. I got the flower out of the garden." There was a daisy in a small jar on the edge of the tray, a couple of packets of sugar and some cream in another mug beside the coffee. "I think it's probably cold now - the coffee - not the Captain Crunch."

Chad’s heart tightened and he stared down at the tray before looking over at Christian. “You did this for me?” he asked quietly and touched the daisy, a smile growing on his face. “Why?” He pushed up until he was sitting and could move the tray over his lap. No one had ever made him any type of breakfast before; he was usually the one to do it, and he couldn’t get himself to stop smiling.

Shrugging, Christian rested his chin on his arm again. "Thought you might be hungry?" He smiled and reached out to brush his fingers over Chad's hip. "It's probably pretty nasty but I wanted to at least try. You could pretend to eat it, then we could go out for breakfast." Laughing softly he looked up and saw that smile on Chad's face, the one he’d unconsciously use whenever he tried to figure something out.

“It’s good, Christian.” Chad nodded and reached out for a couple of sugar packets, still a little surprised that Christian had thought to do this for him. “Did you make something for yourself? Have you eaten already?” Chad thought that this worked really well when it came to his imagining that they were more than what he knew they were.

"Usually don't eat in the mornin'," Christian answered. "Been up thinkin' for a while. Can I ask you something?" He felt surprisingly calm, considering he’d been a wreck when he’d woken up in the morning. It wasn’t until he’d realized that Chad was still in his arms that he’d managed to slow his heart back to its normal rhythm.

Chad flinched. He didn’t want to talk about the things that had happened the night before but he knew it was just a matter of time. “Sure, you can ask me whatever.” He ate a few slow bites of the cereal, not even minding that the coffee was lukewarm at best.

"Will you give it a try?" Christian sat up a little, finger tracing the pattern on the quilt.

“Give what a try?” Chad looked at the cereal, the coffee, and then Christian. “The breakfast? It’s good, I swear.”

"You and me." Christian watched as Chad's hand froze with the spoon half way to his mouth and he scratched at the stubble on his chin nervously. "I know I'll probably fuck it up. But- I want to try. I want. I want you. Us- I want to be an us." The words tumbled out and Christian's eyes widened when he saw that Chad still hadn't moved. "It's a dumb idea, right? I'm sorry."

“No. I mean,” Chad stared at Christian with wide eyes, laughing nervously. “It’s not a dumb idea. I think it’s a great idea. God, Christian you know I want that.” Chad lifted the tray and set it to the side, then turned to the man, dropping his legs off the side of the mattress and on either side of Christian. “You really mean it? You want to try?”

“Yeah, is that okay?” Christian’s heart had ended up in his throat when Chad had said no, and now he was just confused. “I really wanna try and be … try and be what you need. I know I’m not-” For some reason Christian’s throat was tightening and he was finding it hard to look up at the bright blue eyes that were locked on his. “I know I’m not what you want or need - and I’ll try as fuckin’ hard as I can to be better - whatever you need but you gotta help me. Tell me when I fuck shit up and -”

“Christian,” Chad interrupted, his hands curving around the man’s neck to keep him in place. “You gotta stop thinking that you’re not what I want. You’re absolutely everything that I want. And need. Fuck, last night practically killed me. I just wanted- Well, you know what I wanted. And if you seriously want to try, then that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.” He smiled softly at Christian, stroking his thumb along the man’s jaw.

"Yeah," Christian said softly. He covered Chad's hand with his and slid the other up the man's thigh. "You know I'm gonna make mistakes." Brow furrowed, he kneeled up so he could press a gentle kiss to Chad's cheek. His heart was pounding and he felt a little dizzy with _hope_.

“Yeah, you’re human,” Chad murmured and turned to capture Christian’s lips with his own. “I can handle some mistakes. I’ll probably make some, too. You’ll still want to be with me, right?”

“You can’t tell?” Christian leaned in closer and pressed his lips to the corner of Chad’s mouth. “I’m shaking,” he murmured against the other man’s mouth. He was terrified - not about taking the chance, but rather screwing it up.

“Don’t shake,” Chad whispered and pressed for a slow, deep kiss. “This is gonna be so good,” he spoke into the kiss, pressing forward to deepen it once once more. His heart was racing and his mind was spinning because _god_ he wanted this.

"Chad, there's so many things," he said between kisses. There were things that Christian should tell him, things he should say but all he wanted to do was hang onto Chad in case he woke up and it was all some kind of crazy dream. But he was pushing up harder into the kisses, hand sliding higher on Chad’s thigh until his fingers slid under the soft cotton of his briefs.

“I know,” Chad gasped into Christian’s mouth, breaking back a moment later and meeting his already darkening gaze. “You can tell me later. I want to hear it all. But right now I think I’m just gonna go crazy if you don’t touch me.” Chad laughed weakly and spread his legs, riding out the waves of his body reacting already. “God I want you,” he whispered before dipping down and capturing Christian’s lips with his own.

Christian groaned and slid his hands up Chad's thighs then ran his thumbs over the hard flesh he could feel under the soft cotton. Breaking the kiss to suck in a deep breath he stared into Chad's eyes; the blue had all but disappeared and the flush was back, painting his pale cheeks with a rose tint. He felt Chad's hips circle up slightly, and rubbed his thumbs up the length of his cock.

Leaning hard on Chad's thighs, Christian stood in front of him slowly and as he smiled down at the man, he pushed the button open on his jeans and then lowered the zipper. "Want your mouth," he said softly. His voice was low and thick and he could see by the way Chad's body was quivering that he felt the same. Swaying forward, he smiled at the way Chad’s lashes fluttered closed for a few moments. Tightening a hand in Chad’s hair, Christian moaned at the anticipation.

Christian didn’t even know him all that well and yet he already knew that this was the kind of thing Chad lived for. It was one of the biggest faults he’d had with boyfriends in the past. No one wanted to just _take_ from him, no one believed that he would want that so badly. Christian though, he simply guided Chad’s head forward with a slow press on the back of his skull and Chad moaned as his mouth fell open.

Hands reaching almost greedily forward, Chad pulled the hard length of him from his jersey boxers and moaned as he inhaled the musky scent. “Fuck,” he moaned once more and leaned forward, dragging his tongue up the length of the man. His heart skipped a beat as his lips parted and closed a seal around the silky head. Chad sucked slowly and let Christian’s hand push him forward, bringing him deeper into his mouth.

" _God_ , Chad..." Christian's voice was almost too low to hear but he knew Chad heard him by the way he sucked a little harder. The wet heat of Chad's mouth slid further down Christian's cock and he felt his hips circle forward. Letting his head fall back, Christian moaned loudly and tugged Chad closer, deeper. "More," he growled. "Can feel how much you want it." He panted softly, thumb brushing over Chad's cheek.

Shuddering with another wave of pleasure, Chad sucked with more force, hollowing his cheeks around Christian’s hard flesh. As the man slid his hips back he stayed still, fingers slipping round to dig into the flesh just below Christian’s ass. He inhaled deeply through his nose, then relaxed his throat as Christian rocked forward. And the man was so very right, he _wanted_ this, more than he’d ever wanted anything. He moaned around the next slow thrust forward and let his tongue lave slowly along the forming pre-come.

Christian's breath was ragged and his knees weakened slightly. Thrusting forward, he felt the head of his cock bump the back of Chad's throat and let out a rasp of a moan. There was no way he could help pulling back and thrusting forward again as pleasure wound round his body like a vine. “So good, Chad. Just wanna fuck your mouth,” he growled.

The next shudder that rocked through Chad was almost painful, if only because Christian’s words made him feel like he was going to explode from the inside out. As Christian’s hips pulled back Chad released him, instantly gripping along the base and stroking firmly. His eyes shot up toward Christian and he wet his lips with a slow drag of his tongue. “Do it,” he murmured, voice rough and thick before he was dipping down to capture the silky head once more between his lips.

Christian groaned and snapped his hips forward. Chad let out a quiet whimper as Christian pulled back and he snapped his hips again. The heat of Chad's mouth slid around his cock and he shivered; his entire body jerked and thrust and _fuck_ he could feel that mouth like it was fire.

"Chad," he growled. As his balls drew up close to his body, Christian let out a low moan and tightened his fingers in Chad's hair. He wanted the man to swallow everything, take all he had. The thought alone sent him over the edge. His cock pulsed and he came so hard his body bowed forward.

Chad’s fingers gripped Christian’s hips hard as he swallowed down each jet of release. He pulled back enough to let the flavor splash over his tongue and it was just the right combination of bitter and salty and Chad nearly came from it alone. He slowly, reluctantly, pulled back until Christian fell from his lips.

Looking up, Chad watched the pleasure soften all the lines of Christian’s features and his heart skipped a beat as he tucked the man back into his jersey boxers and rolled the taste around in his mouth. “Fucking hot,” he muttered thickly, hands sliding up Christian’s body.

Laughing as he panted, Christian sank down to his knees and gripped Chad's thigh. "Gotta get in better shape," he said as he tried to catch his breath. "You'll kill me." Snatching Chad's shoulder, Christian slammed their mouths together. He could taste himself and swept his tongue around Chad's mouth as the man groaned and shivered in his arms.

When he finally pulled back from the kiss, Chad was panting. "What you want, Chad? Tell me."

“Just touch me,” Chad murmured, letting his nose run along Christian’s as he continued to struggle to catch his breath. “Your hands on me, your lips against mine.” Chad smiled shakily, tilting up for another kiss. “Maybe you could tell me just what you like; I could get off on your voice alone.”

Christian left wet kisses along Chad's cheekbone as his hand tugged the other man's cock free. The heat coming off the hard flesh was searing and Chad's body lurched forward as Christian curled his fingers to stroke. When he reached the soft curl of Chad's ear, he breathed slow and long. "I thought about fucking you all week," he said quietly. This brought another jolt from Chad's body and Christian smiled as he stroked the man's cock a little faster. "Knew when I saw your mouth, you’d feel so fuckin' good. Knew you'd make me come so hard."

“Jesus,” Chad moaned softly, fingers digging into the blanket on either side of his thighs. He already knew how Christian’s voice drove him crazy but hearing it against his ear, feeling the rippling waves of pleasure in response, was enough to have him thrusting up into Christian’s hand. “Want you to fuck me,” Chad groaned and his head tilted back, his chest shaking with the force of his breath. “Bet you’d- you’d fuck me so hard, I’d feel it for weeks.” _God_ , Chad was never going to be able to sleep with someone else again and they hadn’t even had sex yet.

"So hard," Christian growled. "Gonna fuck you up against the wall, slam into you and feel your ass so tight around me when I make you come." Christian's fingers still circled Chad's cock, stroking slowly then fast, squeezing, then letting go. He never let Chad know what to expect with any touch. Pulling back slightly, he felt his stubble rasp against Chad's cheek. "Come, baby," he growled between kisses. "Let me see you fall apart."

It was the order above everything else that sent Chad over the edge. He couldn’t say why, but hearing the man telling him to do anything at all was enough to make every part of him spark. Throw in the growled _baby_ and Chad learned that the strangest things turned him on. He came with a long, low moan, body falling back onto the bed as his hips rocked slowly up to ride out each wave of pleasure.

"So hot, _fuck_." Climbing up onto the bed Christian dragged his fingers through the slick come on Chad's belly and sank down to kiss the man's slack mouth. "Gorgeous," he murmured and curled his arm under Chad's neck to pull him closer.

Turning toward Christian, Chad kissed him lazily, feeling a thousand times looser than he’d been in far too long. “Christian,” he whispered because suddenly everything felt much too intense and he was scared that the man felt it too, that it would be too much for him. “Please say we’ll have this again.”

“Not goin’ anywhere. Said I wanted this,” Christian murmured. Reaching behind him he grabbed a discarded shirt and wiped at Chad’s belly then realized it was Chad’s shirt. “Oh, sorry,” he said and then laughed softly. Tossing the shirt onto the floor he gathered Chad into his arms and groaned quietly. “You can’t take yourself away from me,” he whispered into Chad’s hair.

“Well no, you just used my shirt to wipe up come,” Chad mumbled, laughing softly when Christian smacked his arm. Twisting slightly, he met Christian’s eyes and wet his lips slowly. “I’m not going anywhere either. You wanna spend the day together? Most of it in bed?”

Christian nodded slowly and pressed his lips to Chad's. "Gonna have to go and get some water though. Dehydrated from last night. Ya don't want me to die on our first day together." Rolling over onto his back, he stretched his arms high above his head. It felt good, lying there with someone or more specifically, Chad.

“I’ll get it for you,” Chad offered softly, rubbing his palm over Christian’s middle. “After all, your knees are probably still weak.” Chad grinned up at him, dipping forward to kiss his jaw. He was going to take advantage of kissing Christian as often as he could.

"Wear whatever you want." Christian laughed quietly and rolled over to watch Chad as he got up. "I like looking at you," he said quietly. There was something about the way Chad moved that was graceful, fluid. Christian relaxed down onto the mattress with a smile lingering on his face.

“Good,” Chad smirked over at Christian before he snatched his glasses from the nightstand. He found a shirt and a pair of old worn boxers on the floor and he laughed when Christian wolf whistled as he was heading out of the room.

It felt so much different from the night before, when he was trying to keep from losing grips on Christian who was drunk and stumbling. Now Chad felt a little like he was walking on air. He wasn’t sure how challenging things would be for Christian and himself but he knew he was going to do everything in his power to make it work because it _had_ to. Chad could see himself with someone like Christian for the rest of his life.

The kitchen was surprisingly clean compared to the rest of the house and Chad took his time pulling open cabinets, trying to find a glass. Someone cleared their throat and Chad turned, his brows lifting for just a moment until his shoulders tensed. Steve. He’d almost forgotten how things went the night before. “Sorry, was just looking for a cup,” he muttered, keeping his eyes on Steve just in case.

"Kane finally decide to fuck ya and get it out of his system?" Steve leaned against the door frame and his eyes lingered on Chad's hip for a few moments too long.

Swallowing thickly, Chad refused to let Steve see how the words affected him and turned to start pulling open cabinets again. “What’s the matter Steve? You jealous?”

Steve's lip curled up slightly and his eyes narrowed. "I've known Kane a long time. I'm not worried about _you_ in the slightest. You're just the flavour of the week. You think his infatuation is gonna last beyond you givin' it up?" He laughed quietly and pushed off the wall to head over to sit on one of the chairs.

Chad was more than a little relieved when he pulled open a cabinet and finally spotted a glass. Grabbing it, he slowly turned to Steve and shook his head. “Has it ever occurred to you that the life you keep forcing him into is killing him? Why do you think he wrote that song? He wants to change, so whatever you think you know about Christian, you might as well get used to it changing. Because I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve's smile grew. "This life? It's nothing' to do with me. This is who Kane is. All he cares about is music - and that's why, little man, you'll never be any competition for me."

“For you?” Chad’s eyebrows rose as he finished filling the glass with water. He took a step forward and his lips twitched in a faint smile. “Wait. Does this mean, oh Steve. Are you in love with him? Is that why you’re such a fucking asshole? Because he has no interest in someone who spends every second encouraging him to drink?”

"He _drinks_ because he's fucked up. It makes him feel better - play better. You take that away from him and he's got nothin'. You be careful, son. You don't wanna fuck with me." Steve's smile was cold.

“It sounds like you seem to think Christian belongs to you.” Chad stepped forward, not shying away from Steve’s cold stare. “Face the facts, Steve. Christian likes me, he wants to take a chance on me, and you’re pissed it’s not you. Well boo hoo, get the fuck over it because I’m not playing some game behind his back.”

"This is no game, Chad. No game at all. You'll be gone before you know it - and wondering what hit-"

"Chad?" Christian poked his head around the door then padded down the hall buttoning up his jeans. "You okay?"

"Mornin', Kane. Me and Chad were just gettin' acquainted." Steve reached out and patted Chad's arm. "He's quite the flirt, your boy."

Christian frowned then smiled slightly, folding his arms across his chest. “You good, Chad?”

Shooting a glare at Steve, Chad scoffed and shook his head. “Fine.” He almost hissed the word and brushed hard past Steve, heading toward the doorway. He sure as hell wasn’t going to tattle on Steve like a little brat but it didn’t mean he had to pretend to like the guy for any reason. “I’ll be in your room,” he said quietly at Christian’s side before heading down the hall.

Christian stared at Steve for a few moments. "I gotta do this, Steve."

"I know," Steve said with a smile on his face. "I'll be around to pick up the pieces like usual."

Backing away slowly, Christian frowned. "It's not like that this time."

"I know you think that, Kane. You always do. Don't stress it. Have your fun." Steve turned away dismissively.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Christian turned slowly and headed back down the hall to his room. Closing and locking the door behind him he stood there for a few moments, hand pressed against the door.

“What does he mean?” Chad asked quietly from the place he sat on the bed. “He keeps alluding to you doing this a lot. How many... I mean, I’m not missing something, am I?” God, he hadn’t wanted to believe that asshole but of course the doubts would start again after hearing things like that.

"Not a lot. This? Never." Christian turned slowly and headed over to sink down on the bed beside Chad. "I've picked up guys. But no... nothing like that. I mean - there was one guy but he-” Christian shook his head and turned to face Chad. "Steve's just pissy in the morning and he probably thought we could rehearse all day. Don't - don't listen to him, okay?" Christian's stomach was all twisted up in a tight knot of pain and he frowned.

“He wasn’t too pleased with me last night either.” Chad shrugged and picked at the edge of his boxers. “Do you need to rehearse today? I could go home. I don’t want to keep you from your work, or well, your passion.” Chad laid his hand in the middle of Christian’s back, rubbing small circles. If the man said not to worry about it then Chad wasn’t going to, but he certainly wasn’t going to like Steve any time soon. “You could work some while I’m here,” Chad suggested softly and dipped forward, gently kissing along Christian’s jaw.

Christian’s expression softened and his eyes brightened as he turned to Chad. “Yeah? You’d watch? I mean, I usually sit out there and write but I could sit in here. Not all day - just for a while. I get tunes in my head at night sometimes; sometimes they’re worth writin’ down.” The knot in Christian’s stomach loosened a little and he took the glass of water from Chad. “You don’t mind Steve. He’s been my best friend a long time. He’s just worried is all.”

“Yeah. Don’t worry, it’s fine.” Chad shrugged, continuing to rub softly along Christian’s back. He thought about telling Christian the full extent of his conversation with Steve but he didn’t want to go there. It was really better to just shrug the man’s craptastic attitude off. “I’d like to hear you work on some songs. It’s important to you.”

“Yeah, but later,” Christian said quietly. He was tired, drained from the night before - and then the sex was such a contrast that Christian’s mind was still spinning a little. “Can we just - can we lie here for a while?”

“Definitely,” Chad murmured and slid back, slipping under the blanket and holding it out for Christian. When the man settled beside him, Chad tucked up against his side, throwing an arm around his middle. “Tell me some things about you. Doesn’t have to be anything major, just something.”

“I love music. It’s my soul.” Sliding a little closer, Christian buried his nose in Chad’s hair and breathed in deeply. “Don’t think I’m crazy - but it feels like it’s the only time people listen to me. You know, what I really feel.”

Chad hummed and stroked Christian’s hair softly. “I get that. Kind of hard to make a place for yourself in a world like this.” It made him a little sad to think that Christian was sure he went unheard when he wasn’t singing, but Chad decided to simply add that to the list of things he was going to help the man change. “Why do you think that is? Past family issues? Bad relationship?”

"I dunno, Chad." Christian sighed sleepily; his breathing slowed and he smiled slightly. The scent of Chad, _of them_ , was everywhere around him and he loved it. "I've always been shy - maybe that's it," he said quietly.

“Maybe,” Chad whispered and tilted up until he could just barely brush a kiss along the man’s skin. “I see it, you know. Just from the little amount of time I’ve known you. I can tell you’re quieter, shy, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Though I do hope you one day feel compelled to be open with me all the time. I want to know you so well you can just look at me and I’ll know what you’re thinking.” Chad grinned and kissed the tip of Christian’s nose. “Let’s start with the basics. Who’s the musician, or band, that you think I absolutely must listen to?”

“You mean other than me?” Christian’s lashes fell to his cheeks and he smiled. “Johnny Cash. Man was a genius. What music you like?” Nuzzling along Chad’s cheek, Christian let out a small moan. “You smell so good,” he whispered.

Chad bit his lip around a smile. He was going to have to explain to Christian about the easily aroused thing. “I might smell a lot like you right now,” he murmured, tilting toward Christian’s lips. “Music. Hm. Music.” He laughed and slipped his hand under Christian’s shirt. “Ever heard of Imogen Heap? I love her, she’s freaking talented. And you know, clichéd popular bands. Like Coldplay and stuff.”

“I have no idea who you’re talkin’ about.” Christian laughed and slid his mouth down Chad’s neck and bit down on his shoulder. He could hold the man all day and all night, press up against Chad and just believe that everything could be okay. “Willie Nelson,” he murmured.

Pleasure swirled through Chad and he dipped his head in a slight nod. “Yeah, that’s - I agree. Uh, the Beatles? Gotta at least enjoy some of their songs. Hawksley Workman. Uh, A Perfect Circle. Kind of all over the place with - oh _fuck_.” Chad groaned when Christian’s lips hit a particularly sensitive spot on his neck.

“Don’t know any of ‘em,” Christian said against Chad’s neck. His arms tightened around Chad’s neck and he drew him in as close as he could. “Chad, we can do this, right?” Steve’s words were still running through Christian’s mind.

“We can do this,” Chad whispered and wrapped his arms tight around Christian. “Want to know how I know?” He nudged at Christian’s head, getting him to look up. “Because we want it. That’s all that matters. When you want something bad enough you fight for it and with both of us wanting it? Yeah, we’ll make it.”

Christian smiled slightly and leaned in to kiss Chad’s bottom lip. “Ima work on believin’ that.”

-=-=-=-

It was four days into their relationship and Chad was just starting to get to the point that he didn’t hold his breath every time the phone rang and displayed Christian’s name. For a while during the first few days he thought any call might be Christian changing his mind, deciding it was really just too big of a risk. But it didn’t happen.

Christian came to the campus to meet Chad for lunch, Chad brought his books over to Christian’s so he could listen to the band practice and stay on top of homework. Steve continued to glare but Chad was getting pretty good at ignoring it. Especially when Christian did things to keep him from thinking about it, like slamming him up against the wall and kissing him until his lips were numb.

Basically, Chad couldn’t imagine being any happier than he was, now that Christian wanted him and they were _something_.

“Christian?” Chad called out as he entered the house. He didn’t have a key or anything but more often than not the house was unlocked. Walking down the hall, Chad glanced into the living room where a couple of girls were slumped in baggy clothes on the couch. His brows rose slightly but he didn’t bother asking. It wasn’t all that odd to see and Chad might be a little jealous if he wasn’t secure in the fact that his boyfriend liked guys.

“Chris?” He said again as he tapped on the door, soft smile on his lips. The knob was locked so he knew Christian was inside and just the idea that the man was moments away from being near him again was enough to set his pulse racing. Maybe Chad was a little in over his head, but he didn’t really care if he was, Christian was worth it.

Christian put his guitar down and stretched his protesting back muscles. After only days Christian could recognize Chad's knock. His heart sped a little and he was already smiling as he headed toward the door. Standing at the door for a moment he stuffed his hand in his pocket and pulled out a new silver key. Kneeling down he slid it under the door and waited.

Chad might not have seen the key if he hadn’t heard the quiet little clatter along the hardwood floor. His heart skipped a beat and he bent down, snatched the key up and slowly straightened. He held his breath until the lock turned and he opened the door. Almost instantly his eyes locked on Christian’s and he grinned.

“My own key, huh?” He stepped forward and reached behind him to close the door with a flick of his wrist. “You’re amazing,” he murmured and set his bag to the side before stepping closer, wrapping his arms tight around the man.

“Well, ya keep interrupting me while I’m playin’.” Christian’s lips twitched as he tried not to smile, instead offering a rather weak scowl. He was still in that phase when he got a little thrill running down the back of his neck when he saw Chad so he rubbed at it and averted his gaze.

“If it bothers you so much I can always go,” Chad said flatly, smirking when he stepped back and Christian stepped forward. “Yeah, I thought so. I’ve got something for you.” He pulled the rest of the way from the embrace and turned to his bag, tugging out a CD case before straightening it up and holding it out.

“What is it?” Christian took the case and flipped it open. “You made me a mixed tape?” Grinning, he slid his arm low around Chad’s hips and swung him slightly as he walked backwards toward the stereo.

“Yeah, today’s version of a mixed tape.” Chad grinned and swayed forward with each step Christian took, tugging off his glasses and dipping down to suck kisses along Christian’s neck. “I missed you today,” he murmured, only tensing slightly at the cheesiness of that statement.

“Yeah? I missed you, too. We were rehearsing all morning, well, what was left of it when Steve finally got up. There was this guy - anyway - whatever, you don’t need to hear about that.” Leaning over briefly, Christian slid the CD into his player. “Who’re we listening to?”

“Coldplay is first. What guy?” Chad let his fingers massage along Christian’s back and he laid his head on the man’s shoulder as the music began to play.

Christian slid his arms down to Chad’s hands and pulled them up until Chad hooked them behind Christian’s neck. Swaying slowly, he danced Chad into the middle of the room, hand sliding up into his silky smooth hair. “Just some guy he picked up last night. It’s weird, after all the shit he gives me about bein’ subtle and discreet and all that.”

Shaking his head Christian nosed into Chad’s hair. “You feel good,” he whispered.

A soft smile played across Chad’s lips and his hands lifted to thread into Christian’s silky hair. He was mildly curious about Steve and his random hook up but not enough to ruin their perfect little moment by talking about it. “Can I crash here tonight?” he murmured, letting his hips roll in time with Christian’s.

“Yeah, I’d love that. I can make you Captain Crunch tomorrow.” Grinning, Christian slid his hand quickly to the small of Chad’s back and dipped him back over his arm. “Should teach you how to two-step,” he said against Chad’s throat.

Chad laughed, letting his head fall back, as he trusted Christian to hold him up. “You know how to two-step?” He laughed as Christian straightened him up, shaking his hair out of his face. “I learn something new about you every day.”

"Dude. I was born in Texas, it's in our genes. We can two-step before we can walk." Christian's eyes narrowed slightly. "Do that again, the head-shake with the hair-thing. That was .. uh..."

Chuckling softly, Chad shook his head once more, fingers pinching tighter around his glasses. “You think my glasses are okay?” he asked, bringing them back up to slide over the bridge of his nose. “I was thinking about contacts.”

"No, keep them," Christian said quickly. A little too quickly, judging by the way Chad raised an eyebrow. "I might have a thing." Swaying slower, Christian slid his hands up until he could smooth Chad’s hair back off his face. “You know, a _thing_ ,” he said as he rolled his hips forward. “For glasses,” he added gruffly.

“Mm, we all have things,” Chad hummed softly, his own fingers massaging along Christian’s scalp. “I’m sure you’re well aware of my _things_.” As the song changed to something a little more upbeat, Chad rolled his hips harder forward, biting down on his lip as his cheeks flushed with heat.

"Yeah," Christian murmured. Turning them, he danced Chad backwards, heading in the general direction of the bed. "Hair, you like my hair," he said against Chad's ear. "When I order you around, talk to you while I get you off. You _love_ that." The way Chad moved his body was hot, too hot.

The air caught in Chad’s lungs and he dragged his teeth along his lower lip, moaning low in his throat as their bodies rolled together. Christian was gorgeous and Chad could watch the pleasure color his features every day for the rest of his life and never grow tired of it. “Fuck, I love that,” he murmured and rocked harder forward. “Wish you’d order me around more often.”

“Want to - I just...” Christian smiled softly as Chad bumped into the bed and sank down. “We’ll talk about it later,” he said quietly. Chad was _very_ distracting, _very_. Cupping the man’s skull, Christian turned Chad’s face up so he could stare down at him. “It’s all so new,” he murmured.

“What were you gonna say?” Chad grinned at Christian, reaching out to touch along his sides. He loved it when the man did things like this, held him in place, _controlled_ him. Chad thought maybe he longed for that because he was forced to control every other aspect of his life but he wasn’t sure. Just that he wanted it. “New is good, right?”

"New is good." Christian's thumbs rubbed over Chad's cheeks as he thought about what he wanted to tell the other man. In the big scheme of things, they hadn't been together for long but it felt a lot like Christian's world was changing, growing - maybe just getting a little bigger. "I've never - had. I've only-" Christian sighed and pushed Chad back until his could kneel on the bed, legs on either side of Chad's. Rubbing his hands on the man's chest he frowned slightly and shrugged.

“What is it?” Chad asked softly, curious as to what Christian wasn’t saying. Sometimes the man seemed to talk in mystery, making Chad feel like he was missing something that he desperately wanted to know. “You know I won’t tease you or something, won’t make fun of you if you get all sappy and romantic for a while.” Chad slipped his hands under Christian’s shirt, caressing over his smooth, warm skin.

"M'not sappy." Christian pretty much _flopped_ down on Chad's body and buried his face in the other man's neck. He mumbled against Chad's skin, knowing the man couldn't understand a word he was saying, and then laughed softly.

“Well whatever you’re trying to say is either so cheesy you’re embarrassed to get it out, or you’re about to break up with me in the weirdest way possible. I’m gonna go ahead and assume it’s not the dumping thing, so...” Chad rubbed along Christian’s spine, closing his eyes as the feel of the man’s lips on his skin sent soft shudders of pleasure through him.

Licking up Chad's neck, Christian nipped at the man's ear lobe. "Not breaking up with you, just never had a boyfriend before." The word seemed absurd to Christian, somehow, he felt like he was too old to even _have_ a boyfriend. "Don't know the rules," he said thickly. He had no idea how Chad kept getting him to talk about things.

“We can make up the rules as we go along; s’long as we keep each other happy, that’s what really matters.” Chad forced himself to breathe slowly in and out, knowing that both he and Christian were well aware of how easily turned on he was. It seemed like all the man had to do was look at him a certain way and Chad was melting into a big puddle on the floor. “I kind of think it’s awesome that I’m your first boyfriend.”

Sliding his leg up Chad's until it was hooked over the other man's hip, Christian pressed up against his side and let out a long, slow breath. "Very awesome. Are you - are you always like this? Were you, I mean?"

“Like this?” Chad’s brows rose curiously and he smiled at his boyfriend, just a little confused. “Am I doing something particularly unusual?”

“Turned on...it’s like, _God_ , I just touch you - and your skin feels like it’s on fire.” Christian slid his hand up under the hem of Chad’s t-shirt, bunching the materials up as his rough palm moved over the warm flesh. “And when I talk to you-” He moaned and dragged his mouth along Chad’s jaw. “When I talk to you I can feel the way you move - the way you twist - like, you want to get as close as you can.”

“Oh,” Chad whispered and closed his eyes, a full body shudder coursing through him before he could fight it back. When he managed to open his eyes once more Christian was looking at him and Chad flushed. “Haven’t always been this way. I mean, I guess part of me has always wanted it. But it’s hard to get it, hard to find someone who makes me feel...” He rolled his shoulders up in a half shrug and inched up against Christian’s hand. “You. You just hit those parts of me. Makes me feel...” He sighed and shook his head, not sure he could really put it into words.

“Tell me,” Christian said. His lips were brushing Chad’s ear as he spoke, his fingers bumping over Chad’s ribs and trailing along the firm cut of his muscles. “Tell me. What - makes you feel that way?”

Chad sucked in a sharp breath and gave in to the desire to arch up into Christian’s touch. “Like, I want you to control me. Like I could just lose my mind and I want you to _claim_ me.” Chad laughed nervously and reached up to pull off his glasses once more. “S’weird, I know.”

“It’s not weird. Not at all.” Taking the glasses, Christian smiled and stretched back to set them on the night stand. “I just hope - I mean, I know what I want but I wanna make it good, do it right. Treat you the way-” His words cut off in a groan and Christian shoved his hair off his face. “Can we go back to kiss- wait…”

The expression on Christian’s face changed, darkened a little and his lips slanted into a sly smile. “Chad. Kiss me. Kiss me hard - show me how it makes you feel - show me.”

Swallowing thickly, Chad nodded once before surging forward and capturing Christian’s lips in a hard kiss. He rolled the man back on the bed, instantly sliding on top and thrusting his tongue forward. He wanted to do as Christian asked, wanted to show him what it felt like to be as out of control as he sometimes felt. His fingers slid back and dug hard into Christian’s hair, pulling to angle the man’s head back further so his tongue could thrust deep and hard into Christian’s mouth.

For a few moments Christian's hands hung just above Chad's back. Heat shot through him, the intensity of the kiss more than he expected. It was sudden and Chad's response to a _command_ made everything even hotter than usual.

Then, his body kicked into gear. Grabbing Chad's hips, Christian pushed up off the bed and moaned when the weight of Chad's body ground firmly against his cock. There were entirely too many layers of material between them but somehow that just made everything more intense.

Chad didn’t break from the kiss until his lungs were aching and his lips felt the right side of numb. He didn’t even pull back then, but instead began kissing along Christian’s jaw and sucked along his neck, feeling the pulse quicken under his lips. He rocked shamelessly down against Christian, bringing his hands down to shove up under the man’s shirt. He’d never felt more addicted to kissing someone, to feeling every inch of them, and Chad was fairly certain Christian was going to be the death of him.

"Fuck," Christian groaned. Chad was like some kind of hot fucking liquid being poured all over him. Hot, wet kisses, and desperate hands, fingers digging in. Moaning, Christian rocked their hips together and slid his hands back to squeeze Chad's firm ass. "Love that you get so crazy, that you _want_ me," he whispered.

With the amount of times Christian made Chad shudder, he thought it was a miracle that his body wasn’t one constant withering mess. Especially when Christian said things like _that_. “You’ve got no idea how badly I want you,” Chad murmured against his ear and rolled his hips in a hard forward circle. He thought a lot about Christian fucking him and he couldn’t wait for it really, but he hadn’t reached the point of begging for it yet and Christian hadn’t suggested so far. Like there was some unspoken rule to wait.

“You know what?” Chad continued to speak against Christian’s ear, catching his lobe between his teeth and pulling it slowly out. “I got myself off listening to your CD.”

Christian's entire body felt white hot. "Show me," he said. "Do it, touch yourself."

“God,” Chad whispered and flipped over off Christian’s body and onto the bed. He shifted around and met Christian’s eyes, keeping their gazes locked as he flicked open the button on his jeans and pulled the zipper slowly down. He lifted his hips and shoved both his jeans and briefs off, watching as Christian’s eyes darkened even more.

He’d never gotten himself off under someone’s watchful gaze before but he could tell instantly it was only going to make things ten times more amazing. His fingers trailed idly over his cock, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he softly moaned and rocked up into the too soft touch. Having Christian there to watch as he touched himself was better than when he was alone and he couldn’t help curling his fingers firmer around his cock.

Christian rested his hand on Chad's hip and curled himself around his boyfriend's body. His tongue flicked out just ahead of the words he whispered in Chad's ear. "I want you, too. Want to fuck you so hard that you lose it. Want to make you mine. Just ... when it's right. You're so perfect. Gorgeous." His eyes glanced down and he watched Chad's fingers skimming along the reddened flesh of his cock. "That's it, touch yourself right, wanna see you come while you think of me."

“Fuck,” Chad groaned and his hips snapped up out of his control. If he could just record Christian saying words like this, Chad could really test his theory that he could get off on the man’s voice alone. “Want that,” he half gasped and slid further onto his back, spreading his legs. “You fucking me. Know you’re gonna make it so good.” He tilted toward Christian, head rolling over the man’s shoulder as he breathed in his scent.

Chad listened to the shaky inhales coming from Christian’s lips and unconsciously timed his strokes to each of Christian’s breaths. As he felt the first beginning curls of his orgasm Chad brought his free hand up and sucked two fingers into his mouth, soaking them thoroughly before dropping them once more. His lips parted in a loud, low moan as he circled the tip of one around his entrance, teasingly slipping in and out. “Oh god,” he gasped and pressed the finger forward as deep as he could reach.

“Jesus _Christ_." Christian's heart was thundering in his chest and his hand was trembling as his slid it over Chad's chest. The hard flesh of Chad's nipple bumped under Christian's fingers and he caught it between his thumb and forefinger, rolling the tight nub, squeezing hard enough to make Chad cry out softly. "God, you're gorgeous," he murmured.

Nudging at Chad's cheek he found the man's lips and bit down hard on his bottom lip to tug him closer. "You gonna come for me?" He felt the shudder run down Chad's body and slammed his mouth down against the other man's. Thrusting his tongue forward, he twisted Chad's nipple and rode the arch of the man's body off the bed.

The slam of Chad’s heart in his chest was nearly painful and he moaned into the kiss as his hips rocked up into the tight, quick stroke of his hand and back down onto the hard thrust of two fingers in him. Once more, Christian’s fingers were pinching at his nipple and Chad lost the last of his control.

Hips snapping up hard, Chad all but screamed into the kiss as pleasure slammed in overwhelming waves through his body. He felt like his stomach was flipping in circles, like his heart was stopping and starting, and Christian continued to kiss him, though he felt like he’d never catch his breath. Chad had never come so hard at his own touch before and he had to tear back from the kiss before he passed out from lack of oxygen.

Christian stared down at his young lover, hands smoothing over Chad's hair. The man was beautiful, hair all messed up, cheeks and neck flushed, clothes rumpled and half off. It was an image Christian was sure he would revisit time and again. "You're okay," he whispered softly as Chad gasped for air. "I got you."

Chad lost track of time as his vision blurred and he struggled for air. But Christian’s arms were strong and comforting around him and Chad had no trouble believing that Christian had him and would let no harm come to him. “Holy shit,” he whispered, turning so his lips were touching Christian’s neck. “That was intense.” He was fairly certain he didn’t need to tell Christian that. It was more than obvious that Chad had just gotten his mind blown.

“Was fuckin’ hot,” Christian rasped. He swallowed and his body rolled forward to press Chad down into the mattress. “God, you make me lose my mind - completely crazy for you. Can’t even imagine not touching you - not having this.” Unfamiliar emotions whirled through Christian’s body and he moaned softly. “I need you,” he whispered.

Another little shudder shook through Chad and he nodded and moaned, wetting his lips. “Tell me what you need. Anything, it’s yours.” There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation behind the words. He would do absolutely anything for Christian and he was fairly certain the man knew this already.

Reaching down, Christian fumbled with the button and zipper on his jeans then grabbed Chad's hand and shoved it down the open front. "Touch me," he rasped. There was more he wanted to say - _never leave me_ , _you're mine_ , _stay_ and a million other things - but instead he could only choke out, "touch me."

Staring down at Christian’s hard, swollen flesh, Chad wet his lips and then reached out, his fingers curling around the base and slowly tightening. He twisted and stroked in a slow glide up, thumb running over the head just to watch Christian’s body arch up in response. Chad wanted to drag it out, wanted to drive Christian insane, but he couldn’t help squeezing harder, picking up the quick pace of his strokes.

“God you have no idea what you do to me,” Chad whispered, shifting closer so he could press his lips to Christian’s neck. “I think about you all the time. I wanna feel you on every inch of me. Do you know how insane that makes me?” Chad panted softly against Christian’s neck, strokes becoming longer, harder.

Pulling one foot up on the bed and pushing up, Christian's hips circled then thrust, pulled back - he eased his cock through Chad's grip. He snatched at Chad's hair and crushed their mouths together, hips snapping forward _hard_. So much pleasure was coursing through him that Christian could barely breathe. It was like being turned inside out and everything was twisting and spinning.

Breaking the kiss he whispered, "Chad, I-" Then his orgasm sent his body lurching back onto the bed. As his hips snapped forward his back arched and the room tilted a little. Chad stroked him through each pulse of come that ripped out of his body and Christian moaned and gasped, fingers pulling painfully hard on Chad's hair.

Watching Christian come was enough to make Chad’s body thrum with heat all over again and he thought it was kind of a miracle that he didn’t get hard again. He slowly released Christian and pressed as close as he could, gently kissing his lips, along his jaw, and up over his temple. “God, you’re just- I mean, breath taking. Is that weird? ‘Cause you are.” Chad laughed shakily and slumped against his boyfriend. “I think you broke me.”

Pulling in as much air as he could, Christian wrapped his arms tightly around Chad's shoulders. "Keepin' you anyway, broken or not." His voice was thick and his heart was still racing and he felt a little like his world narrowed down to just the air around them. "God-"

A pounding on his door startled him and he gasped out a breath, coughing and loosening his hold on Chad slightly. "Wh-what?" Christian voice was gravelly and thick and there was a slightly _too_ -long pause before Steve's voice came through the door.

"Kane. If you're done with your _boy toy_ I could use a hand with some chording."

Sighing, Christian let his head fall back against the bed. Lately, it seemed like Steve nearly always wanted something when Chad was there.

“What the hell is chording and why can’t he do it alone?” Chad asked, not bothering to keep his voice down or hide the annoyance in his tone. He pulled Christian a little closer, not quite ready to let him go.

"It's guitar-" Christian shook his head, realizing the absurdity of the entire situation. "Steve? Chad and I are just spending some time together. I'll be out later." His heart picked up speed again for an entirely different reason. Talking to Steve was like walking on eggshells. It was quiet for a while and Christian's eyes moved to Chad's and he shrugged.

"You know, Kane? I'll be glad when this little fling of yours is over and everything goes back the way it should be."

There was plenty of venom in the words. Certainly enough that the tone of it came through the wooden door clearly. Christian opened his mouth to answer but he heard Steve's boots scuffing the hardwood as he disappeared back down the hall.

Chad would always believe Christian over Steve but whenever moments like this happened, whenever the man made his contempt known, Chad felt the sting and tightening in his chest. “Wow,” he said quietly and sat up, looking for something to clean up the now cool mess on their bodies.

"He's just-" Christian sighed. He felt like he did nothing but make excuses for Steve. "We talked the other night. He feels like I’m not spending enough time with the band - with him. I mean, I think I am, we seem okay. We're tight - the sets are good. He just... I dunno." As he sat up Christian studied Chad's face. "Chad?"

“It’s fine, I get it. He’s your best friend, roommate, and band mate. You can’t just ignore all that.” Chad shrugged and finally rolled to the edge of the bed to grab one of Christian’s old shirts, frowning as he scrubbed at his chest. “Maybe I should just head home. So you can spend more time with them.” Chad kept his eyes down as finally cleaned himself off.

"Wait, no. That's not- That’s not what _I_ want." Christian's brow furrowed and he lifted his fingers to brush over Chad's cheek. "That's not what happens. You stay, and you talk to me. That's what you always do. You tell me things that make you blush - stupid sappy things that I love. And then - and then I tell you something about a song, about something I remember or ..." Christian felt a blush creeping up his neck. He hadn't realized how important all those quiet moments were becoming to him. The sound of Chad's voice in an almost whisper, telling Christian things he liked to imagine that no one else knew.

“Steve will get over - whatever the hell is wrong with him. I just- You said that I don’t have to always do what he wants.” His voice trailed off and he left his hand drop to the bed. Right at that moment he could just punch Steve.

There was something a little broken about Christian’s words and Chad hadn’t heard that for the last few days - he’d thought things were going well. So the idea that he could inspire it just by nearly leaving had him turning and quickly pressing up against his boyfriend’s side. “Okay. I’ll stay. You don’t have to do what he wants. I just, I came over without asking, and I didn’t want to... you know. It’s just okay, you know? If you need to take some time with your band, I won’t be upset.”

Alright, Chad might be a little upset but he’d get over it. His hand curved over Christian’s neck and he rubbed softly. “You know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here.”

When Christian looked up his vision was a little blurred. He wouldn’t admit that it was tears, maybe he was just tired. Life seemed so simple sometimes when Chad was in his arms - and then... everything could just change in a few moments and he felt like he’d been slammed back through time to the way he used to feel.

“Christian?” Chad murmured and wrapped his arms tight around the man. He wanted to stomp out of the room and kick Steve’s ass. Instead, he pressed a kiss to Christian’s cheek and hummed softly. “I had this dream last night about you and me buying one of those old VW vans and taking a road trip. You wouldn’t let me drive, though.”

“Yeah?” Christian laughed quietly. “Sounds like me.” The tension drained a little from his shoulders and he pulled Chad closer. “Tell me all about it.”


End file.
